Six years ago today, I lost my grandfather to lung cancer. six years. Sometimes it seems like six minutes. As happy as I am that he is free from the pain and suffering of cancer and all of the poison that comes with treating it, I selfishly wish he was still here with us.

I wish he was still sitting at his kitchen table, opening his completely organized address book so that he could call me and ask how I was, the way he did once a week when I left for college. If he did, I’d tell him everything that he’s missed: I’m in law school. Joi started her own business. Kelly is married and Lindsay’s engaged. Rashad and his wife have 2 beautiful boys. Malani (his first great-grandchild) turned 7. I would tell him that I still have the bag of Halloween candy he made for me the night before he died. I’ve never even opened it. I guess opening it meant acknowledging that I would never get another one.

From now until New Year’s Day, I’ll walk around with a heavy heart knowing my grandpa won’t be there to carve the turkey properly on Thanksgiving. He won’t be there to make omelets for Jared, Joi and I on Christmas morning while we watch the parade. And he won’t be there to dance with us at our family pajama party on New Year’s Eve. Every single day of the Holiday season will be missing something and we’ll all feel it. Every single day of my life is missing something. And I feel it.

It’s been six years today. And I still miss you like it’s been six minutes.

{my favorite picture of my grandpa from my parents’ wedding}


3 thoughts on “11.1.11

  1. Pingback: imagine a world without cancer. | Jerrell::Renee::Runs

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